“Once you learn to accept and love them for who they are, you subconsciously learn to love yourself unconditionally.”
“Love” should be a subject of discussion all year round. However, it is only in February that we talk the most about it because we see all kinds of publicities about Saint valentine’s gifs. We get all the suggestions and ideas about dates and presents we can give to our loved ones to show them how dip is our love. This is another period of the year where our « consumerism» side comes out (right after Christmas’ time) to push us to express our real feelings with presents, by giving things, that most of the time is unnecessary.
It is also the period of the year when the ones that are single feel pretty bad about all those publicities and their actual situation. That made them believe they are alone and that we can be happy only if we are in a couple. I personally believe that we got it wrong! Love is not about presents, about being with someone, love is a more powerful energy, state of mind, feeling. This special date should be, in my point of view, an opportunity to really think about love, about unconditional love, the one that pushes us to accept and learn to live with the other person the way they are. And live and accept ourselves with unconditional love the way we are. I had always heard that we cannot give of what we do not have, so it is maybe time to start to give ourselves unconditional love.
The meaning of unconditional love is quite well implanted in our brains and cultures. For most people, it means the love that a mother has for her kids and/or the love that we find in “God” (does not matter the name you give to him). But when we talk about the love we have for our partner/boyfriend/girlfriend/ husband/wife the definitions gests somehow “adapted”. We love them but we want them to change something (become more something or less something).
We want some changes in the person we love, just because we love them, that is our best excuse. But in reality, we are getting ourselves is something that I call Bermuda’s triangle (it is actually called the Karpam’s triangle) but I called Bermuda’s triangle because once we entered that place we lose ourselves. The Karpman’s triangle shows 3 corners: The victim, the savior, and the persecutor. So we want the love one to change something because its hearts us (we get to the victim corner) or because we believe it is of its own well-being (we get to the savior corner) or because if he/she does not do it we will take some action, for instance, leaving the person, not loving it any longer (we get then to the persecutor corner). The only way to get out of this Bermuda’s triangle is just by not getting there. By being 100% responsible for our owns actions and by letting them/us just being the persons we really are.
Most of the time, I can say it because I was an expert in that subject, we point out our love ones with one finger: “…You, you do not love me because…” Without knowing that actually there are 4 fingers pointing to us. So when we judge the other one saying “You do not love me” actually, we should think that we are the ones that are not loving ourselves in the first place. Mm, difficult to understand & to stop doing it. Isn’t?.
Stop trying to change the other one, thinking about what are we pointing out that is, in reality, showing our weaknesses and just accepting the others/ourselves the way they/we are at the beginning of unconditional love and it is the best present we can give to the others, to ourselves and to the universe.
With all my unconditional love, Eli